Find me if you can !!

About a year back one of my friends (let’s call him X) was going through a really bad phase. 180 phase difference to be exact. Imagine, he tried drawing a right angled triangle once and it turned out to be a left angled one. Wtf? This has got to hurt man. It is rare to find people in such bad shape. All this came as a bummer to him and he decided not to indulge himself in drawing any kind of trigonometric shapes whatsoever. He worked in an interior design company ‘Tri-Go Private Limited’ their tagline is ‘we draw your lines’ (this one is for the trivia freaks). ‘Right angled triangles could sometimes be a two edged sword, it hurts when it doesn’t turn out right’, said the company HR.

‘X’, feeling humiliated after the incident decided to quit the company and start something on his own. But due to his prior commitment to the company and having had signed the lifetime bond, he unfortunately could not quit. The company, however, well verse with the mental pressure people goes through in this business, decided to give him a raise for his dedication towards the company in all these years. His in-hand salary was then made a function of the salaries of the next two highest stakeholders in the company. Let’s call them Y (male) & Z (female).

                        ______________________

X (salary) =  _/ Y (salary)^2 + Z (salary)^2

** C is the performance index. See diagram for details

  

                                   

                                 

With an exponential increase in his salary component, he suddenly became one of the most sought after commodity in the office by the fairer sex. Soon enough he was bestowed upon with the pleasures of having a girlfriend. ‘Z’- The Girlfriend (apparently was the next highest salary drawer in the company after ‘X’). The love was in the air. Everything was going just perfect until one day; X made a homemade video- MMS (which Z didn’t know of) and floated it around. The MMS was named ‘Sexy (Sec C) – X on Z!!

Z, understandably got extremely upset after this ‘pardafaash’ incident and decided to break off the relationship. X, the hypotenuse, had the most important realization of his life after that, ‘whenever you get a chance to touch the base (here, Z), Have Fun but Do Not Advertise’.

All said and done, X was actually in love with Z. His immature behavior earlier made him do stupid things but he realized the importance of Z in his life. He proposed her and asked her to marry him. After days of introspection, retrospection, inspection, Z said ‘YES’. !!!!

A year went by; it seemed as if nothing can now go wrong. But just like in any ‘Abbas Mastan’ starrer, it did. One day X left for office in the morning but never came back. Nobody knows where he went or what happened? X, just went missing.

“He always preferred Sec C and never, never ever (*insert magarmachh ke aansoo*), even tried Cos C (Any guesses about Z’s favorite movie? ‘ Women on Top’). We had our differences over the issue but never so intense that it’d make him do this “, said Z after being investigated by the CID inspector Daya and ACP Pradyuman.

Y (X’s best friend and colleague) said “I have always had my doubts regarding Z’s intention behind marrying X. She convinced X to transfer most of his property to her name after the marriage and the rest was anyways supposed to come to her according to the will (as revealed by X’s lawyer upon investigation by ‘darwaza tod do a.k.a Inspector Daya), which by the way is not less by any standards. And after that whole MMS scandal, this almost looks like revenge”. --- I quote Verbatim, believe the source at your own peril.

                                

It’s been a few months now and the police have not been able to trace any lead. I, hereby, would request the whole nation (school, colleges, students, teachers, politicians, farmers, cricketers etc.) to unite and provide their support in finding X.

Someone please FIND X!!!

An infinite loop with a loop hole !

Life is tough. I know that. I plan accordingly. What do I plan ? Well, I drink beer. WTF? you may ask. You must I say. I have seen people plan. What happens? Shit happens. So I plan to spoil myself in the process. What process ? The process is the plan, you jackass. It's a plan where I plan the processes and you, you fucking process the plans that I plan. Do I sound like Joseph Heller? Not yet. Right. Because he is a fucking genius when it comes to repetitive repetition. Read Catch-22 I say. Read it now. Go to the book store, buy that fuckawesome book and read it I say. But why in hell should you listen to me, right ? You are a genius yourself, aren't you ? But you self proclaimed one-of-a-kind-sonovabitch-genius, listen to me now. Stand up from that bean bag, wear some proper clothes you wannabe Charlie Sheen, and go to the book store and buy that fucking book. 

What? You don't know Charlie Sheen ? That 'Two-and-a-half-men' guy you dammit. The one who opens the door when your mother rings the bell. You don't fucking know about the bell either, do you ? You son-of-a-bitch, you bell-fucker-mother-son, you retarded bastard. I am telling you, Read That Book ! 

But life is so complicated. How are we supposed to handle all this crap simultaneously man ? Do I see that happening, I don't. Why don't I ?, you may ask. But you ask so many fucking questions, you crapper. You shit all over my already crapped over life and now you ask me all these fucking questions, huh ? What's up with that, you bastardical shit. I, actually, don't mind questions. What I mind is the answers. Answers are like life. They are complicated. They are so complicated that they remind me of your life running in flashbacks with my own life. Man, that sucks. But, what should we do ? I am busy. I don't have time to sort all this stufout. Forget about sorting this out, I don't even have time to read a book. BTW did I mention, that my favorite book is Catch-22. 

What's up with life anyways ? This thing sucks man. They don't give you beer for free, girls don't come cheap either these days, nobody read books now-a-days. I mean wtf dude ? One of my friend has a nice job, twice married, has a private bar, but that sonovabitch has not read Catch-22 yet. That is fucking complicated man. How is that freaking possible in today's world ?Impossible I say. But what I say, doesn't matter to you. Because you think you are right. Everyone thinks that way. But someone has got to be wrong. You all can't be right, can you be ? If all were right, why would life be so complicated. It's like everyone is wrong. That, is not possible either. Few are right, few are wrong. You have got to make your choices. So many fucking choices man these days, I don't even know that they are choices. I think of them as options. What is the difference anyways? WTF is happening man? Some retard ate some fucking apple somewhere and we have to answer these fucking complicated questions about life. I want to quit, but that is not even an option. 

They don't even give you all the options. They think you'll fuck with all the options and create some more. They are afraid of us. They are afraid of choices. Choices are like god. They give you options. But I still don't know the difference man. This fucking thing is like a black hole, its so fucking complicated. Sometimes I think they didn't even give any option to the black hole itself. They told him, you fucking nigger, you are black and you'll remain black forever. I feel for these holes at times. I do others, but I feel for these ones. You can't help it at times man. Everything is so blacked out. It's like walking alone at night. Just that, its so dark that you can't even walk properly, forget about reading a book. That sure sucks man. 

But I tell you one thing that I have learnt in the last few years. Eh, forget about it. You are not gonna listen to me anyways. That is how life is man. You know the questions, you know the answers. But you don't want to answer the answers because they are so unrelated to the questions most of the times. Fuck this shit man. This thing is COMPLICATED !


Read Catch-22 I say !!