Break !!

Mc donalds ka burger khaate khaate
Paratho ka swaad bhool gaye
Chamach kaante ki aadat kya padi
Achaar me lipte haath bhool gaye.

Malls ki shopping kya rang laayi
Nukkad ka sunday bazaar bhool gaye
Zameer bheegone me koi kasar nahi chhodi
Par pehli baarish ki phuwaar bhool gaye.

Internet pe chatting shatting bahut
Padosi ka naam tak bhool gaye
Hum network badhane ke chakkar me
Kareebi doston ka pyaar bhool gaye.

Bado ke aage jhuk jaana to door

Hum nazre jhukana tak bhool gaye

Is kadar gir gaye apni nazro me hum

Ab to maafi ka bahana tak bhool gaye.

Yu dhundhla sa gaya hai drishya saara

Hum aaine me dikhta insaan bhool gaye

Jo bi dikha wo pehchaana na gaya

Hum apne imaan ka naam bhool gaye.

© 2009-2010 Ankit Arora. All Rights Reserved

A Speech to Remember !!

First of all I would like to thank the condom companies for their excellent product feature that highlights “96% success rate". Though only 4% help but whatever I have achieved in life wouldn't have been possible without them (I would have loved to achieve things in life without doing the effort of being born and actually doing them, but that does sound idiotic for most parts, doesn't it?). Condom companies 'Take a bow' (well NOT actually)!!

My lovely parents, people who were absolutely sure that I will make it someday, it’s them.

Then, I would like to thank all my friends who didn't actually think of me as their friend and ignored me all throughout. I wouldn’t have realized my true potential without them. It gives me immense pleasure to see you all screwed up in life and I assure you I'll be of great help to make it any more miserable.

Next is my Girlfriend, who dumped me because my "choice of colors or something like that" was unusual. Things to consider, 

1) Reason for dumping->Choice of colors,

2) Choice was not even bad, just unusual. 

Though it looks like that you dumped me, I, hereby would want to let you know that the feelings were mutual. I was anyhow too confounded with certain things like Nail Polish Removal Tips Book, Hair Straightening after Sex guidelines, Heels that make you 15 degree inclined towards the ground (Though it has its own advantages but I would refrain myself from mentioning those here) etc...The list is actually endless.

Last but not the least, I would like to thank myself as it was impossible to achieve this without my own help and desire to win and achieve something that no one has ever dared. It took me 25 years to come to a point in life where I realized I could do this. That is when I called the Guinness World guys to record the official time of my achievement.

Record: - Continuous Sleeping for 39 days and 39 minutes.

"Online Valentine's Day Party in Heaven/Hell/Whatever"

Online Valentine's Day Party In Heaven/Hell/Whatever

Sponsored by Prom-e-trick ( Arre wahi " haI haI huM CAT " waale )

Final Party Venue :- Hard Rock Cyber Cafe

Theme for the party :- "Gtalk pe machhli ki aankh phodo, apsara jeeto"

Planning, Plotting, Cribbing, Yeah Naarad-panti that is (Excerpts) :-
-------
Lakshman -> Yaar ye sita ping kar kar ke jaan khaa gayi hai...ultimate chep bandi hai...

Hanuman -> Jai Siya Raam..Main baja dunga tere kaan ke neeche..saale lukhe....Ram ji ki setting hai unhe kuchh mat kehna...aur teri bhi to bhabhi hai wo..

Lakshman -> Ghantaa...Kabhi bhai ki tarah treat nahi kiya mujhe Ram ne ...Arbaaz khan jaisi image ho gayi hai meri....Khud ke paas Sita...hame bhagwat Gita....maine to soch liya hai is baar 'Aankh phodo' main hi jeetna hai ...aur sita ki demand karni hai.

Hanuman -> Tu Ghanta saale...tera baap ghanta...tera bhai..gh..oops...galti se mistake hua robert.

--------

On the other side of this :-

Kishan Ji -> Tumhe mera ek kaam karna hoga.

Jaadu -> Dhooooooooop !!!

Kishan Ji -> Jaao aur jaa ke Brahma ji Facebook account hack karo aur unKi beti ki saari info le ke aao.

Jaadu -> Dhooooooooop !!!

Kishan Ji -> Oye dhooop ke chache, samajh me aa bhi raha hai kuchh.

Jaadu -> Dhoooooooop !!!

Kishan Ji -> Teri maaaaaa ki.....dass liya haraami ne.... ye saale Prom-e-trick waalo ne kaise kaise log hire kiye hai yaar.

-------

Post Party Issues:-

Even after having someone as credible as Prom-e-trick, some problems occurred during the event. Lets hear from the players themselves :-

Ram Ji--> Yaar mera to online teer hi nahi chala...Ganesh ka mouse kaam hi nahi kiya.

Shiv ji --> Mujhe to machhli hi aankh maar ke chali gayi...mujhe kab aankh pe maarna tha samajh hi nahi aaya...(No Instructions).

Arjun --> Main to jab nishana lagane hi waala tha...peechhe se Karan chilla pada..."Bhaag Arjun Bhaag" ...to main bhaag gaya.....mujhe to Re-Match chahiye.

Karan --> LOL. Meri to machhli pe likha tha 'My Name is Thack-ray'...meri to fat gayi.

Kishan Ji --> Main to shaanti se baitha hu tha..kisi ne bola Gopi Kishan..mujhe laga bola hai 'Go Pee Kishan'..main chala gaya...unhone wapas hi nahi aane diya. Re-match it has to be I tell you.

Spokesperson From " haI haI huM " -> Isme videshi taakato ka haath hai....ye sab Raavan aur Kans ki chaal hai ....Anywazz...the Party/competition is rescheduled to 1st April...Till then jiske paas jo hai...usi se khush raho..

© 2009-2010 Ankit Arora. All Rights Reserved

"My Name is NOT Jimmy"

A story told a million times, a mockery made a million times.

We all know how a dog exploits an innocent lamp-post day after day without showing an iota of respect ever. But have you ever imagined Why the Lamp-post never strikes back even after so much humiliation? Because all this fame and publicity that the lamp-post is getting it is because of that freaking dog, and if the lamp-post strikes back it is not good for his long term popularity concerns.

Now this story is not about any ordinary Dog and a Lamp-post. They are SPECIAL. The motive of the story is to prove that not all dogs are same, some are indeed special. Now some details :-

Lamp-post- There ain't any person who is sure about the sexual preference of this lamp-post. Some say its a Street-light. But the word is that this street never lightens up and if its a lamp-post, ironically the problem that he's suffering from is Non-lamp-postism.

The Dog needs no introduction. But I still need to reveal the identity. But Wait, lets first move to an interview between Me and apna Sallu Bhai that we did recently.

-----xx------

Me:- Sallu Bhai, I know you are doing great. So, lets directly move to the point. We were told that recently in a party 'A DOG' misbehaved with you and your cat, sorry KAT. Would you like to share your views regarding that ?

Sallu Bhai:-I have taken the matter to Aamir.
Me:- Aamir, Why Aamir ?
Sallu Bhai:- Arre Aamir ka hi kutta hai wo. And after I told him about his Dog's behavior, one thing led to another and Aamir actually beat him up. The effects are to be seen in dog's upcoming movie 'My Name is Not Jimmy' directed by none other than Mr. 'Lamp-post'.

Me: Ok. We have also heard that recently you and that dog were on the same plane and things hot a little out of control. What actually did happen Sallu bhai ?

Sallu Bhai: Bahut ho gayi bakwaas .. aur kuchh bola to khopdi khol dunga ... samjha ?
Me:- Sorry sir sorry....ho gaya mera .. chalta hu main ...

-----xx------

Now that the identity of the DOG and the LAMP-POST is clear, the only thing left to be understood is, what Aamir has to say about all this? But as usual he was unavailable for his comments. This time not because he's busy with his film but because he's being punished by the DOGGY LOVERS OFFICIAL COMMUNITY for beating up his dog. As of now he's imprisoned in a Jail which during the 1930's was a Dhobi Ghaat for the Britishers. The only thing he's asked for there is a HandyCam. He apparently wants to shoot his new film with a hand held camera and name the film Dhobi Ghaat. Mr. Perfectionist, I tell you.

Your Full of Bakar Reporter
Bechara Bandhu

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